Shameless Self-Inclusion

I mentioned this sequence of words briefly in this blog post: https://www.dianeserra.com/journal-posts/lets-start-here

Ok so I don’t know if I’ve mastered this skill but I certainly have gotten more comfortable doing it over the years. Shamelessly including myself in places, conversations, events and even projects has helped me not only grow my career substantially but it oftentimes propels me out of any introverted behavior that I am desperately trying to shed (believe it or not, crippling moments of shyness do sneak up me unannounced from time to time).

Let me clarify- shameless self-inclusion is not being rude, nosy or inconsiderate. I like to see it as being opportunistic with an endearing and innocent enthusiasm. For example- “I want to be here, I probably would not have been invited here nor have the skills to be here but I am just so stoked to be here so I’m going to keep coming back!”.

I did not wake up knowing how to do this. In fact, I am also ok if no one really wants me in the said self-included environment but more often than not, my presence is accepted and we all eventually become friends.

This was a learned behavior over the years after finding myself in many male-dominated sporting environments. From growing up a little sister trying to tag along with my older brother and his friends to training Brazilian Martial arts for over 15 years constantly being perhaps overlooked for being an American female but also (in the earlier years) for having a low-level martial arts belt. (This was a long time ago. Times have changed thank goodness!)

In both scenarios, I was not the most talented nor culturally refined (in terms of Brazilian customs and language) so no one wanted to spar me. But I had an undying amount of stoke that would keep me coming back class after class, skate session after skate session (in terms of trying to hang with my brother). I really couldn’t ignore the pull from my heart that kept telling me to go back to these things.

This strategic overstepping was actually encouraged by my then martial arts teacher who made sure I did it more and more. In this particular martial art, which is basically dance-fighting, you essentially jump in and spar whatever opponent was waiting to spar. Standard respect rules for this martial art would usually say you can only spar with someone at the same belt-level as you but my teacher told me to ignore that, to jump in, and spar. This repeated effort helped me develop the comfort of just including myself in the places I want to be in whether I “belonged” there or not.

How does this work in terms of career?

I’ve found that if there is a role or a team I want to be on, or should be considered for, I find my way in either through conversation with any leaders or members related to that role or team and I immediately start asking questions to learn how to position myself inside. If all signs look good, I’m jumping in! Which usually means a consistent series of follow up to present my case and why I should be considered for the role or team.

It doesn’t always mean I end up landing the role or am considered for the team. It may result in simply learning that I am frankly not qualified (yet!) or that the role/team is not really the direction I want to go after all.

Either way, getting curious and making strategic conversation to learn more information is a really rad skill that may help you incrementally achieve some advancement whether in career, social circles or in extracurriculars. If anything, a little bit of shameless self-inclusion is amusing nonetheless and usually always results in garnering new friendships at the the very least. It is a practice I enjoy which has led me to some pretty awesome opportunities and therefore highly recommend you try!